There Is A Time For Everything

I don’t know about you, but I always have my most clear thoughts when I’m near water – usually in the shower. In this case, I was doing the dishes. It was a sunny morning and the light flooded the kitchen floor, where Bandit was laying. I had music playing in the background. This song came on, There Will Be Time by Mumford and Sons, and it’s one I’ve heard dozens of times before. I knew the lyrics by heart. For some reason I found myself stopped in my tracks, water running and me unable to think about anything except for the lyrics to this song.

It completely consumed me.

“There is a time, a time to love
A time to sing, a time to shine
A time to leave, a time to stay
There is a time, a time to cry
A time to love, a time to live
There is a time, a time to sing
A time to love.”

There I found myself, in the most mundane of tasks, having one of those moments of complete deep thought. I couldn’t help but ask myself “what season of my life am I in?”. My mind drifted to a line from one of my favourite books, Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist.

It read “there is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming.”

I turned off the tap, dried my hands and took my mug of coffee to the living room couch, where I could also sit in the sunshine and think. I mean, it worked so well for Bandit. For sure this season of my life was about becoming.

Becoming more mindful and intentional. Becoming a wife. Becoming an adult, with all of its responsibilities and bills. I could see the nuances take shape with every decision I made. With every person I shared my life alongside. With every conscious purchase. With every book I read and grew from.

We’re constantly becoming. Growing. Morphing. Developing. Changing.

But I also found myself in a time in my life where I’m equally becoming as I am staying still. Does that make sense? What I mean by that is that I’m choosing to take on less – less stress, less mindless purchases, less meaningless relationships – in exchange for filling my life with the things that add value to the person I’d like to become. See? I’m staying still, letting go of certain things and making room for myself to grow and become.

This is the season of my life now.

One day I might live somewhere different and the seasons will have changed. One day maybe I’ll become a mother and my reality will surely be different. I’ve learned the importance of being open to the change, to the passing seasons. It’s partially what makes life so wonderful, this anticipation for what comes next. For what a new season will bring. For more adventure and exploration. For plane tickets and new destinations. For children holding your face as they try to explain something to you, needing every bit of your attention and energy. For mornings in the kitchen, racking up your utilities bill because you’re having some thought you can’t shake off. For laying next to the person you love most in the world and realizing in that moment that you’re so complete and could need nothing more in this world. That is, until the dog wants some attention and you bring him into the bed as well, and realize we’re all capable of love and happiness beyond our wildest imaginations.

And these moments, these crazy, wild, fucked up, scary, beautiful, captivating minutes make you realize that we’re constantly becoming. We’re constantly loving and being loved and trying and failing and screaming of joy and crying in bathroom stalls and laughing and doing our best.

So this is where I am now. In a place of becoming. In a place of taking on less and building up more. In a place of quiet mornings and vulnerable conversations. In a place of starting a new chapter with a new name in a few months. In a place of content.

I am happy here.

And while I’m curious about what comes next, I selfishly wish I could stay in this season forever.

What season are you finding yourself in?

Until next time,

Vanda